Let’s take, for example, double texting. Nowadays, double-texting a guy is labeled as something unattractive or clingy. This is a type of stigma that is slowly starting to change and double-texting isn’t seen as taboo. Indeed, double-texting isn’t always the best idea but there are some specific cases that it will be a game changer. Double-texting isn’t an option if his last text indicates that he’s not that interested or needs some time to reflect. Now, the receiver will be annoyed if you’re constantly persistent and want to change his mind. To avoid this uncomfortable situation, here are 10 different situations if you should double-text him or not:
1. You shouldn’t double-text him after the first date
Even if you had the greatest time on your first date, you should avoid double texting. If you had texted him to just let them know that you had a great time then that’s not a problem. But if you want an instant answer from him and he doesn’t answer in 24 hours then you shouldn’t double-text. In this case, you should give him more time to reflect on your date. If he’s interested then he will get back to you and contact you. That’s because men take more time to process their thoughts and feelings. Even though he likes you, he might need more than 24 hours to get back to you. He might have a busy life and he might have different texting patterns. To understand in depth the way he behaves after the first date and what to do in particular, a relationship coach will help you.
2. You shouldn’t double-text him when he ghosts you for a long period
When a guy isn’t interested in you, he will find different ways to avoid you. He will ignore your messages and continue posting on their social media. No one is that busy or forgets to reach out to you for days or a week. If he is interested then he will find the time to even have a small interaction with you. He might let you know that he is busy or he could state that things aren’t working out for him. Now, if he has ghosted you for weeks, it’s better to not double-text him. Instead, this might sound cliche, but you need to enhance yourself. When you create new energy and upgrade your traits then you will attract him more or another person will appreciate you.
3. If you want to verify plans with him then you should double-text him
Life nowadays is quite chaotic and everyone is busy. So, you might have made plans for the weekend but you need to verify during the day. In this situation, there is nothing wrong if you double-text him and ask a question. If you have just started dating then you should be subtle and write a short text. You should avoid seeming manipulative or clingy. So, you can write something like: “The weekend is almost here and I remembered that you like strawberry tarts, would you like to bring one on Saturday?” “I saw that there is a terrible storm tomorrow and I wanted to know if you’re still down for it.”
4. When he’s having a busy or hard day
When he’s having a busy day and doesn’t mind double texting, you can text him twice and remind him that you care about him. Also, you should be careful how you craft your text message. One of the rules of double-texting him is to be subtle and keep it short. If you show empathy and support then he will not get annoyed by your texts. On the other hand, if he is having a hard day and you keep accusing him of not answering, he will be annoyed. And that’s quite normal but if you don’t know how he’s feeling and he never stated it, you can’t know. You should double-text him something neutral. “I think that you are busy but I just wanted to check if you’re doing okay.” “Hey, outside is sunny and warm. Keep smiling.”
5. You shouldn’t double-text if you fear rejection or abandonment
You shouldn’t double-text him if you have an anxious attachment. When you’re anxious, you tend to overthink and even if he doesn’t reply for some hours it will seem long. It’s fine, you shouldn’t feel bad for this or scold yourself. Instead, try to understand your attachment style first, and then you’ll know when and what to text. When you have a secure attachment style, you won’t overthink if he delays his text messages. To fix your attachment style you can try to reflect on your past and your past relationship. Your attachment style can be affected by your parents too. To make faster and safer progress you might contact a few therapists:
Ask a doctor online.
Goodtherapy.com.
6. When you’re more obsessed with him than he is with you
If you double-text him when you’re more interested in him than he’s with you, you will look clingy and needy. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of impatience. You shouldn’t let your feelings lead your actions. I know that being left on read or on delivered is hard and it hurts. But, pursuing him all the time will give him the ick and he will pull away even more. Instead of double-texting him, try to focus on yourself. You can fight these obsessive feelings and thoughts by figuring out what is making you obsessive. If you are feeling lonely and want to feel the void, try to hang out more with other people. Go out with your friend and join different activities that will help you know more about yourself.
7. You shouldn’t text him if you’re left on reading multiple times
Being left on read or on delivered constantly means that you’re not his priority. If he wants to keep communicating with you, he will give you a reason if he can’t communicate all the time. Hence, if he leaves you more than one time on reading as long as you talk then you shouldn’t double-text him. It is very normal to feel like you need to double-text him because you need an answer. If he was interested in you before and initiated all the conversations then something might be going on. When you double-text him now, you will look like you’re desperate for his replies. Give him some time to work on his feelings or whatever he’s going through.
8. He doesn’t like texting
If he is someone who doesn’t like texting at all then he would appreciate double-texting. When he isn’t used to reaching out to someone over text, he would appreciate it if you would initiate. Know that if he is a guy that doesn’t like texting, he won’t be preoccupied with whether he replies fast or not. His texting patterns will be the same as someone that ignores you. But, what makes the difference is that he will call you or try to interact with you differently. In this case, double-texting isn’t bad because you will show that you’re interested and you understand him. Also, if he can’t change his texting habits then you might start to communicate with him by calling him.
9. You should double text if he’s shy and an introvert
Double-text a guy if he is shy and doesn’t know what to say or if it takes a while to respond. He might like you a lot and wants to take you seriously but can’t craft a perfect text message. He might leave you on read for days and not interact with you at all. At first, it might look a selfish behavior, and you will be hurt. Yet, even if he is an introvert, he needs some time on his own to gain some energy. You might be the opposite and that’s why this might look so hard to understand. Try, to reach out to him with a funny meme or a joke and wait for his reaction. When you double-text and he replies straight away, know that he’s attracted to you.
10. You shouldn’t double-text him if he is a narcissist
A narcissist won’t reply and ignore you just for his own sake. Every guy likes to be pursued, but a narcissist will do it to gain control over you. He will do it to boost his ego and be better than you. Now, he just wants to make you look needy so this will make him feel and look bigger than you. These are all mind games that he plays just so will play with your thoughts and feelings. In the end, he will want to make you think that you can’t live without him so never double-text a guy that has these signs:
Cancels dates out of nowhere; Only communicates with you when he wants to; He tries to change your personality;
In short, his behavior is toxic and it will instill in you many unpleasant feelings.
How to double text?
The most important thing to do when you start to double text is to not sound desperate or needy. There isn’t a specific formula to do it perfectly but you should not text from a place of sadness or loneliness. This energy immediately is transmitted to your text and him. ~Focus on what could have made him ignore you or what could change this situation. Sometimes a guy can ghost you because he might not have felt appreciated enough. Maybe you might have said something that might have hurt him. Not everyone is good at expressing their thoughts or feelings, especially over text. ~Keep the text short, simple, and sweet. Accusing him and writing a long paragraph won’t trigger him at all. If you want to make him feel bad for not answering your text messages, then that won’t work. He might even continue ignoring you for a longer period. ~Try to use more memes and gifs, especially if you have been dating for a while. Personalize this text. Use something that you did together or something that might have reminded him. “I was at Starbucks today and a friend of mine ordered London Fog and it reminded me of you.”
How long to wait before double texting?
How long you should wait before double-texting depends on your relationship and your aim. Waiting a day to double-text a guy isn’t too long. Everyone can be busy during the day and might go home and just delay texting someone back. Even if you’re close and depending on what you want to say to him, you can wait at least 12 hours or a day. Yet, if you were on a date and he didn’t answer that day, you should wait at least a few days until double texting. If you double-text that day then you will seem very needy and clingy. Some guys will take it as a sign that you’re obsessive or you don’t have to do anything else. This will be a turn-off for most guys and it might give them a bad impression.
How to stop double texting?
Stopping yourself from double-texting him is a big challenge and that’s normal especially if the relationship was going great. It’s a feeling that you get, the urge to text him and get the answer.
- If you are going through it, try to write all these unsaid words in a journal. When journaling doesn’t seem enough to you then you can vent to your friends or family. You need a way to release these feelings and thoughts before they impact you negatively. If you suppress them then they can easily turn into intrusive thoughts.
- Try to pick a new hobby or anything that can get you occupied. If you keep yourself occupied, you can give him the time that he needs to reflect. In the meantime, you will detach yourself and do things on your own for a while. It’s not easy to fight these feelings but if you take small steps, also you will be surprised by the results.
- Delete his number from your phone. I know that’s so hard to do but you can achieve it if you focus. You can write his number somewhere but delete it from your phone so you won’t have access to it. Also, you can take a screenshot of his messages and then delete it so you won’t focus only on him.
Is it toxic to double-text?
Double texting isn’t bad but in certain cases, it can be toxic. If he pulled away and somehow told you that his feelings changed then double texting is toxic. Especially, if you’re using these text messages as a manipulative method to get back together. On the other hand, if you started dating a narcissist, double-texting is toxic because you will be controlled. He will use your neediness and loneliness for his own good. On the other hand, if you’re constantly ghosted and disrespected by him then this is also a toxic behavior. You will double-text and end up being ghosted once again.
Conclusion
The bottom line is that whether you should double-text him or not depends on your relationship. In a few words, it depends on how comfortable you are around one another. Not every guy finds double-texting annoying or irrelevant. If feelings are reciprocated then you should double-text him because this will have a positive impact on your relationship. He will feel appreciated and valued if you check up on him. Yet, when it is an unrequited love then double-texting will only do you harm because it will make you look like a burden. All the best, Callisto Adams
