If a guy doesn’t text you for a week can be concerning, especially if you text daily. The reasons for a guy not texting you for a few days or weeks can be various. If it’s been a few hours, he could be living, breathing, you know, doing things that need care in his life. This is normal. On the other hand, if it has been 1 week (or around there, like 5 or 6 days), 2 weeks or more, then he might have other reasons besides just breathing, existing, and living. Whether it is normal not to hear from a guy for a week or not, entirely depends on the reasons behind his silence and the level of depth to your connection. Here are 10 common reasons why you haven’t heard from him in 1 week, 2 weeks, or more:
1. He’s playing games with you or keeping you as an option
Games usually come from a place of insecurity to satisfy his ego. In this case, he wants you to go after him, give him more attention, or just make you like him so much that you’re helpless. It is very likely that he paid a lot of attention to you and made you feel very special before he made this very particular move. If this resonates with you, then take this as his way of getting your attention, and/or making you desperate for him. Now, hold on. I don’t want you to go all mad and say “This is it!!” He’ll give you a few clues when this is the case, such as doing this very often. Disappearing and then returns, or he just stops texting and then starts again, at times like nothing ever happened. Such behavior could mean that he’s either playing games with you to keep you hooked, or you’re just one of his options. Either way, this is not a healthy place to start a relationship, nor a safe place to build a relationship upon it.
2. He’s not interested
One of the reasons why he’s not texting you for a week or more could be that he’s no longer interested. Now, I understand that this is a hard pill to swallow. It’s difficult to let your guard down and accept that the person you like doesn’t like you back. These things happen often, especially at the beginning of two people getting to know one another. You’re not exclusive to one another, you didn’t have that ‘exclusivity’ talk, and it’s okay. Letting the connection fade out eventually is seen as the easy way out until the connection dies out entirely. This is a very normal scene in the contemporary dating world. There’s not much we can do about it, but move along and adapt, or find the best options that fit our ways and styles of dating. When he’s not interested he’s comfortable with not responding or texting back for days to even a simple text. You can tell he’s not interested through his ways of texting you as this reflects a lot on the level of attention he’s willing to pay to you.
3. He’s taking time and testing you if you’re interested or not
This one could be standing especially if he’d always been the one to initiate texts, contact, calls, or even dates. Now, the social norms and standards are pro such a move (a man always initiates), but little by little these standards are being shaken as time and knowledge leave their mark on us. That means that connecting and bonding require reciprocation too besides chemistry and butterflies. So, if he did all the work, he could be stepping back a little and see if you’re noticing anything, and whether you’re willing to do anything about it. He might do this to simply see if you care how his day is going, he’s waiting for you to text him first this time.
4. He wants power within the relationship
A lot of people often use silence as a power move. Whether your connection is young and fresh or whether it’s been a while since you’ve known one another when there’s a power imbalance within the connection, one or both of you might behave oddly. One of the most known tactics that get power within a connection is withdrawal. If this was his intention it is having its effect on you. That’s because you’re getting concerned, you’re willing to do something to get his attention, and so on. In this case, you’re in a vulnerable position, you’re thinking of him, you’re concerned, and he managed to be a conqueror of your mind for a while.
5. He’s trying to manipulate you
Withdrawal after a period of love bombing is often used as a tactic or a manipulation tool by narcissists. Whether he’s a narcissist or not, if he’d been very affectionate with you before this one-week silence, he’s likely to be manipulative. By playing hot and cold, he keeps you wanting more and keeps you feeling the need to impress him so that he doesn’t go away again. This can lead you to feel like you’ve done something wrong, or that you’re unworthy of him. And it’s exactly what he needs you to feel if he’s striving for power and control.
6. Something came up
It’s normal for people to have their routines disrupted by something else that consumes their time and their attention. This, however, does not excuse this behavior that is bothering you and disrupting the ease of your thoughts. He might be one of those people that don’t like to reflect their negativity on others when going through a tough time. On the other hand, it only takes a few seconds to write an “I’m sorry, I’m not going to be able to talk much this week. I’ll get back to you when I can.”
7. He’s scared of his feelings
Men are known to bottle up their feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, that has been the norm for quite a long time. When he’s scared of his feelings, one of the first things he might do is withdraw himself and take his time to process what’s going on. A man that’s scared of his feelings is often confused when those feelings occur and especially when those feelings become stronger. That confusion and fear will reflect a lot on his behavior as well. He might take a few seconds to reply, yet he might take “a week off” because the feelings are too much to handle.
8. He realized he’s looking for something different than what you’re looking for
This is common during the early stages of dating. Sometimes people simply go in to see where the connection takes them, and by the middle of the path, they decide that the direction of the connection is something they don’t want to be part of. This is why, if he realized that you’re both looking for different things from the relationship or connection, he chooses to take a step back. For some, it’s easier to slowly back off from the connection rather than to say upfront and directly that they no longer want to be part of the connection. However easy this way out is for him, it is messing up your head and your week entirely. This is not a healthy start.
9. He’s not into commitment
Texting every day with a person is a form of commitment as well. A lot of men choose to be inconsistent with their texting so that they don’t give you the wrong idea. Consistent communication is often a sign of commitment, so do not give you the wrong idea, he chooses to back off a little and keep things inconsistent. His intentions might be bright but his way of protecting you from hurt might not be the most appropriate. He might not be ready to commit, or simply doesn’t like the idea of commitment.
10. You hurt his feelings
Knowing that he’s just as miserable as you are can be comforting in such situations. However, this is the time he chooses to give you a taste of your own medicine. If you happened to get into an argument recently, an argument in which you were the one to say the most hurtful things, then it is normal not to hear from a guy for a week or even more. At the end of the day, we get hurt by people we care about because their behavior and words have meaning to us. This is him showing you that you hurt him, this is his response to your hurtful behavior towards him. Communication is vital for you to not face such moments of confusion and hurt.When he pulls away it’s difficult to know what your next move will be.You’re in the middle of a crossroad with a head full of running thoughts. Professional advice is within your reach. Your story can be heard.
He hasn’t contacted me in a week – The powerful response to him
When in such a situation, besides the buzzing question of whether he’s going to text soon, you have another question buzzing in your head: what to do when he doesn’t text back. At this point it’s been a week since he hasn’t texted, it’s normal to be confused and not know what to do. Whether you haven’t heard from him in 6 days, a week, or two, here is the best response you can give:
- Let him have his space. If he’s been careless despite your behavior, and you’ve noticed that there’s something off to his ‘kindness’ (i.e. him playing games), then your powerful response is no response at all. Ask yourself: Do you want him to text you? Have you ever thought about why you want him to text you? This is the part where you realize if you’re communicating (or needing communication) from a peaceful place or a troubled ego-conquered place. Let him have the space. Since this is his decision to pull away, let this be his decision and not yours. Avoid imposing a particular behavior on him. It’s widely known: let him go for him to get back.
- Reach out to him – Send him a text like this one; Whether he’s playing, or this is a product of you seeming to be uninterested or arrogant towards him, then we’ve got some bad-ass texts to send him! On the other hand, you can reach out to him if you simply want to clarify things as well. Here are some texts you can send him:
“Hi [name], I’ve noticed your distance lately. Is everything ok?”
“Hello [name], I understand if you’re upset. Let me know when you’re ready to talk please.”
“Hi [name], I’ve noticed your distance and I think we shouldn’t continue communication as I find the inconsistency unhealthy. Wish you all the best!”
“Hello [name], I waited for your response for a while and I think I got it. Just wanted to wish you good luck!”
“Hi [name], not to be mean or insensitive but I don’t find your behavior acceptable. I’d like genuine and consistent communication and I see you’re not ready for that. I understand though. Good luck!”
- Take your time to invest good things in yourself. Instead of focusing and drenching in thoughts about him, try to take this time for yourself. It’s difficult not to let his silence affect you, but it would be the healthiest solution to this. Take time and put effort into yourself. Participate in activities you enjoy, hang out with friends, and simply keep on living despite his response.
- Let him know what your boundaries are. If he comes back after a while, you let him know that this is not the way of communication that suits you, and you’d like to end it here (of course, if you see that as a reasonable decision for yourself). You’re being honest, straightforward with him, and most importantly respectful towards yourself.
- Let him go if you see it necessary. If he doesn’t come back again your power stands on moving on and let this connection go. There’s no point in trying to win him over or looking up tips and tricks to write a text that’ll make him want to desperately respond. Those ways of ‘solving’ things are not healthy and wear off eventually. You can’t rely on mind games to build genuine and healthy relationships.
Let’s turn this around a little: It’s not about him, it’s about you
Most advice there is about “you’ll seem desperate to him and you won’t be attractive in his eyes anymore”, well, screw that! How about we don’t care about whether we look attractive or desperate to him? How about we start caring about our peace of mind, and moving forward with positivity? Move your focus to what helps you improve on becoming a better self for yourself and others around you. Once you start such a journey, your choices will affect not only you but the people surrounding and approaching you, and your relation to them. Once you mind your own business and you focus on helping yourself, you won’t notice when a guy you just met is absent because you’re fulfilled in every single aspect. You lack judgment towards yourself and others, you accept the fact that people come and go, and so do you. Your joy and self-valuation can’t just depend on a guy’s text.
“He hasn’t texted me in 3 days. Should I text him?”
Doesn’t matter if it’s been 2 days, 3 days, or a week since you haven’t heard from him. It’s been a while, and he’s just not reaching out for whatever his reasons may be. We made a flowchart for such cases. I’ll be more specific this time though… If you’re the one always initiating texts – then I would honestly, not recommend texting him, especially if he’s left you on reading on a question or simply a text that required an answerback. If he’s always the one initiating texts – and you’re the one that’s cold-ish, then perhaps you should consider texting him. Not ever initiating conversations, or just not engaging in conversations (which women are very advised to do, to be ‘more attractive’), can give off a feeling that you’re not interested which can cause him to pull back a little. If you were the cause that he’s gone away – then consider sending him a warm and kind text. It can be as simple as “Hey there, hope everything’s ok, and your day goes well.” Let the rest be up to his answer.
A word from the expert herself: Let’s reflect together!
Callisto has been a dating and relationship expert and coach for nearly seven years. She’s the founder of hetexted.com and the author of “Texting Beyond Basics: Electrified” Here’s Callisto’s personal take on this one: Have you been distant from him before he stopped texting you? Distant as in, cold and not very reciprocating when it came to enthusiasm, or just asking questions in general. This might just give him the impression that you’re not interested. Is there only one of you always initiating texts? If the initiation of texting or conversations was equal then there’s something up with him. However, if he’s always been the one initiating texts, and not getting any text from you, then it could just be that he’s getting that ‘not interested’ impression from you. Has he been distant to you before he did this, or was he paying a lot of attention to you? Think of his behavior or his way of texting before he stopped texting you. If he was warm and kind, or if he was getting distant each day. Where do you think the unpleasantness is coming from? Take a moment to think about this. How much would you lose if you ‘lost’ a person you didn’t know much about? Depends on how long you’ve known each other, and how deep the connection between you is, but in general, the unpleasant feelings usually come from a freshly wounded ego. Think about it, is it really him that you like, or the attention that he gives you? Has this happened before? (if yes)How often? If this is a repetitive behavior that constantly drives you to an unhealthy place of mind, then I’d suggest you think about this a little longer, and make a decision on whether this is what you want to deal with or not.It is definitely one of the signs of an unhealthy relationship either beginning or an already built one
Why hasn’t he opened my message?
Because he could be busy, doing activities, and just plain living. If it has been a while (like days) since he hasn’t opened your message, then read the article above and find out what the deal is. Otherwise, if it is a matter of hours, I’d suggest you stop overthinking it.
What does it mean if a guy doesn’t text you for a month?
It can mean a whole lot of things. Anything but interest towards you. This, especially if you’ve been caring, kind, and welcoming towards him. Move on and let go.
How often will a guy text you if he is interested?
If he texts you every day, it can be considered a sign that he’s interested. However, don’t take it as solid truth, as it depends on his personality and the level of connection and freedom between you. Love, Callisto
